The ANTI-SNUGGLE: Danger Chimps

BEWARE CHIMPS!

After reading this yicks-inducing New York Times story about how an old pet chimp in Connecticut RIPPED OFF A LADY'S FACE, and after learning some more Chimp Facts from my friends Erin and Fred, I think chimps are off my list of "cute animals I want to snuggle."

Fred told me another ghastly tale:

Fred: I read about this nascar driver

who kept a chimp

it ripped his nose, his foot, and his genitals off

And Erin had some terrifying facts:

They rape each other. Also chimps eat each others' young. Cannibal style. But really not for the meat, just for the terror factor. They are the original terrorists.

You heard it here first, folks. Chimps: The Original Terrorists.