Drunk Badger

Fermented fruit strikes again! Animals, seriously, stop eating this stuff! It makes you crazy bananas.

This time a badger in Berlin ate some fermented cherries and went to the middle of the road to have a rest.

Police arrived at the scene expecting to find a dead badger (I guess peeps confused a drunk badg for a dead badg, an easy mistake). SURPRISE! He was just three sheets to the wind.

So what happened?

"Having failed to scare the animal away, officers eventually chased it from the road with a broom."

Where did they find a broom?!

I cannot believe this was covered by the news. By REUTERS, no less! This is a fine day for journalism.

"Goat breaks into home, eats cake"

Best headline ever?

A few days ago in Westford, WI, Sherry Shirley went to let her dog into the house. Suddenly,

"...a full-grown goat burst into the house, jumped onto a kitchen counter and helped itself to a freshly baked chocolate cake, according to the Dodge County Sheriff's Department.

Deputies responded to a call from Shirley at 11:43 Saturday morning, but a neighbor had dragged the goat from the home by its horns before officers arrived, patrol captain Molly Soblewski said.

"The goat didn't do a lot of damage. It knocked some dishes to the floor that broke and began eating the chocolate cake she had just made," Soblewski said."

Deputies followed the goat's tracks to a nearby farm and had captured it, but ultimately the owners of the goat weren't cited.

Awesomely, the goat's owner said:

"It was just an unfortunate circumstance," she said. "I feel sorry for the lady, but it is kind of funny."

Animal-archy in the U.K.

Oh British media, always with the delightful animal stories. What's that all about, anyway? The Telegraph is always on top of the latest animal friends. Like this owl and basset hound:



They always describe these creatures in the most charming way. For instance:

"Beryl the Basset Hound, who is a grand old dame at 16 years old, and four-year-old tawny owl Wol struck up a friendship when their owner realised they both loved watching television in the evenings."

This seems like an apropos time to introduce my newest theorem, which I have deemed "Gretchen's Theory of Across-The-Pond Cuteness". Inter-species animal friends + British colloquialisms ("grand old dame??") = Near-Unbearable Snuggle Feelings Inside One's Heart.

Even stories just about one animal (sans animal friends) tend to be more interesting than the ones we have here in the U.S. Lest you forget, this is the country that brought us Fat Boy, the drunk pony who fell into a swimming pool.



In a similar vein, how often do you see a headline like "Escaped Horse Bursts into Cinema" in your local American rag?

And look at how the Telegraph describes the incident:

"The horse was one of three which escaped from a farm and ran through the automatic doors at the Cineworld complex in Boldon, South Tyneside.

The incident was caught on CCTV and was put on the YouTube website [emphasis mine], but it has since been removed."

Oh, and the section of the Telegraph's site that houses many of these articles is called "How About That?"

I wonder if they even realize how adorable they're being. Sigh.

Chipmunk Mechanic

Hope Wideup of Demotte, Indiana, was having trouble starting her car one morning. When she looked under the hood, she saw THOUSANDS of walnuts stuffed in the engine compartment!

Allegedly a rascally chipmunk was sneaking them in over the course of a few weeks while the car sat unused.

"This little guy stuffed a bunch of these nuts in the accelerator throttle," said Wideup, who had to spend $242 for towing and repairs.

"It's funny, but it's not," she said.

Sorry, lady, but I would argue that it IS funny. (Though not for the chipmunk who lost his treasure trove. Poor lil guy!)

Note: This post was delayed because I drew the drawing last night and then couldn't find it today, so I had to draw it again.

me: i'm so mad, i drew a really good picture of that chipmunk who put the nuts in the car

and then i LOST IT

my pal gary: oh no!

me: i think maybe i threw it away by accident

gary: ah.

me: i'm going to try to recreate it now

gary: well maybe a hobo will find it and be confused or delighted

Hopefully delighted! You're welcome, anonymous hobo.

Pumpkin and Pecan: Leftovers

How much do I wish that was the title of a reality show about the just-pardoned turkeys and their new celebrity life?



Here's a cute pic of a kid named Jack greeting Pumpkin in his little crate. Pumpkin flew first class with his handler from D.C. to Disneyland. Which is ridiculous. But also funny to imagine! I bet Pumpkin definitely smelled bad and made some screechy gobble-y turkey noises. I like to think of all the richies in first class getting their feathers ruffled (hee!) about having to share their cabin with a turkey, albeit a famous one.

Unfortunately I missed the Disneyland parade, of which Pumpkin was grand marshall, but I found this video of last year's parade so you can get an idea of what it looked like. The turkey shows up at 1:20.



I'm really bummed that the turkey wasn't wearing any little accoutrement. Like a tiny crown. I was picturing him with a crown, cape and scepter, like the king of the parade! Something like this:


Now that Thanksgiving is over, Pumpkin (and pinch-hitter turkey Pecan, who was also pardoned but didn't get to do any of the fun parade stuff, or fly first class) are living in some Disney farm.



"Where is my butler? I demand that you provide me with proper lodging! This is an outrage!"

THE END!

Pigeon Commuter

Yesterday my friend Mike rode the subway three stops with a little pigeon! Here's our convo about it:

me: NO YOU DID NOT

mike: I DID

me: FUNNNNN

mike: so awesome

me: which stops?

was everyone happy?

did it fly around or just stand?

i think if it flew it would have been scary

mike:well, i assume it got on at smith & 9th. just sorta sat there on the floor, right near the doors. then when we got to jay st., it quietly stepped off. maybe he had jury duty.

me: UGH GOD

CUUUUTE

i wish it had a little hat

mike: it was so incredibly well behaved

i know

me: and like a little bag

UGH animals!

mike:

i know

man

me: a tiny briefcase!

just goin to work

omg and a TIE

mike: haha

me: hold on i'm drawing a pic

This reminded me of a New York Times story I read a few years ago about pigeons riding the A train in Far Rockaway.